Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I seem to have left my pride at pride
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
