Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
