walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
