He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize