I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Never underestimate the power of titties
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize