im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
