I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
