DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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