I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
