he wants to bone in the snuggie
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
As shirtless as possible
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize