come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize