So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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