Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
