so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
