So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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