So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize