then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
