"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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