I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
