she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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