I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
