hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
