I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
