That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
