she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
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