i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize