Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
