I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
