doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
