tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
