this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize