i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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