I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
