I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize