Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Randomize
