at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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