just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
