I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
