some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
