Define "chronic" masturbator.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
