How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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