my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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