you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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