I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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