I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
