12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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