don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
