I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
