She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
