It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
