when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
