Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
