Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
