I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
