Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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