p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
