Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
