Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
