I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
