she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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