The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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