My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I am naked and annoyed.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize