When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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