That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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