also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Damn victory sex feels great
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
