i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
