Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
