I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have already put on my inside pants.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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