I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
