well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
