my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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