what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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