have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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